I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
