Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
