my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
