What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
