so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
