Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my liver is dry heaving
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
