so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
