Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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