Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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