I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize