we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
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