Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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