i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
