happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
