yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
