I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
