It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
