Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
