drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
