JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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