I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
