Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
