also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
