Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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