Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
