the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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