then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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