I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
