My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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