Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
