a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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