I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
