A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize