she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
