it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
