You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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