how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
