Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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