thus making me awesome and them whores
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
