Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
