then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
