I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
