Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
