I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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