I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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