something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
