Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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