You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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