my phone needs a breathalizer
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
