My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
