I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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