just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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