i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
