i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
