Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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