I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
