A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
