I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
