do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
