i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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