Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
