You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
