Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
